Life is short and knowing something ends and no going back, it just sucks...
Mama died May 31 in the hospital while doing her dialysis. My brother was there assisting mama on her dialysis. I was sad, the last time I talked with her was 2020 Christmas. The last time I had a long conversation with her was 2019 Christmas. Do I have any regret, this is something I asked myself. Have I said thank you and I love you enough? Would I wished I have more time to talk to her? Mama's burial was Friday June 4. Her eulogy was done June 3.
Before I forget I'll try to list my rough memories of her. It is hard to dig memories if one is not drunk. I have poor long term memory.
- When I was young she took care of me in Pineda, I had a fever and it was really bad. Maybe I was 4 or 5 then. The towel in the head and the vicks in the chest.
- I remember her leaving to go to work, and I will ask her money.
- She was there when I climb up the stage to get my top 2 in preschool.
- We had a pre-school presentation and I was a tree behind the stage.
- In grade school she always gets my report card every trimester.
- If I have good grades or in top 5 we always eat or go to robinsons galleria. I also get to play arcade which is quite rare during my time.
- I remember I cried in the street near santa lucia or tropical hot for not being able to play familycom.
- She told me that we are not rich and I should study hard since it is the only mana she give. I was preschool then and she told me this while entering the door behnde the toilet.
- Grade 4 I was asked if I want to go to honors section, I was with mama when I was transferred to honors class for grade 5.
- Mama had a seizure when I was young, everyone all our tita came and also brought an albularo.
- Mama also brough us to albularo to do tawas.
- She like to make my favorite spagetti, she likes to buy Andoks chicken.
- She is bad in financing, maybe she has alot of expectation for Papa
- She sell the detergent our family makes at home, and didn't give back the puhunan, she is bad in business and selling.
- I remember she gave us the minatamis na saging that aunty nanay made and it made her angry since none was left.
- Over all she was a jolly person, she also likes to buy rice sweets to support the nearby seller.
- She always attend church events last time, I think it was her socializing event. She was an El Shaddai devotee at some point.
- We always insist us not to talk behind peoples back. Maybe tell chismis and stories but didn't stated bad or judged them.
- I remember in Mama Cora's house there was this manghuhula with mama and this manghuhula says a lot of girls will like me when I grow up.
- We whent to alot of dinings and birthday when I was small.
- I think mama was there when I was grade 1 when i first go to school.
- Mama also pays the school bus the fees. Mama also pays the tution fee in school.
- Mama attends the family day in school, she wasnt good in the playing field.
- Mama also attend the christmas bingo raffle and our christmas presentation.
- High school I think I got more distant with my Parents since play more with my friends or stranger. Mama still attends the school activities and my quarterly report card collection.
- College I think I got more distant. I just wished mama have other activities aside from home. As a father now, I know home stuff is endless and she did really took care of us.
- Initial days of work, I spend more time in office and working. Less time at home usually just to sleep. Also dating with Kat.
- When I started living in Singapore, and out of the house. There were really barely any discussions with Mama. The usual talk we had was basic daily life activites. I do think this usual ordinary stuff is something valueable that is gone.
I am sad while recalling this and wasn't able to put this during the time of her eulogy. I'll also have a discussion with papa about mama. I throwing and blabing word here and there while writing this.